good?

sometimes i feel that good just isn't good enough. what i do in my life just isn't good enough. so if what i'm doing isn't good enough for family or friends, will my actions ever be good enough for my future spouse? that opens up a whole other can of worms, so i won't even get into that...will i ever be good enough for someone to marry me? if i am trying to do what i know is best, wouldn't that be compensated for in other areas of my life? if what i'm doing now isn't pleasing anyone, how will i ever know what to do next? i don't know if there's any specific answer to any of these questions, but i just want to throw out that idea: maybe good just is not good enough for anyone. is it possible to please anyone? is it ever possible to be good enough for yourself?...

best friend

i am finally going to update my blog space. i am back at school and of course am loving it. i really do love byu-idaho although some people (ahem cough cough) want me to transfer to byu provo. i will think about it, but for now i am going to class and loving it.

school isn't what i want to focus on though....when you have a best friend, you want what's best for them. you grow up doing everything with this person. you two are conjoined at the hip and some people even think you're twins. you share what's going on in your life and who you like with this person. you would do anything for your best friend to be happy.

the minute my best friends left on his mission, i couldn't wait for him to come home again. i couldn't wait for him to come home so everything would go back to being normal. it was hard because i wasn't able to share certain things with him. he wasn't able to watch me go off to my senior prom or go to my high school graduation or even see me off to my first year of college. he was there in spirit but not there to talk with face to face. i know this sounds selfish but there is a point to be made, i promise.

when he came home, i knew things were never going to be the same. he and i are still best friends and are just as close as ever. when i found out that he was going to get married, mixed emotions came over me. i was so excited for him to finally reach what he had been preparing for his whole life; on the other hand i felt distraught (for lack of a better word). i have to share my best friends with another girl.

my mom put it best: out of everyone in the family, you are the one that will have the hardest time "giving him up." best friend, you know who you are...mom is right. i will be the one that has the hardest time giving you up, because we are the closest. things won't be the same. i can't express how excited i am for you. it's what you've always wanted and i can't wait to be a part of it. although i can't be in the temple to watch you be sealed to your eternal companion, but know that i will be there in spirit. i love you and i could not be happier for you.

Christmas began with a baby...

Jeffrey R. Holland - "At the focal point of all human history, a point illuminated by a new star in the heavens revealed for just such a purpose, probably no other mortal watched--none but a poor young carpenter, a beautiful virgin mother, and silent stabled animals who had not the power to utter the sacredness they had seen. Shepherds would soon arrive and later, wise men from the East. Later yet the memory of that night would bring Santa Claus and Frosty and Rudolph--and all would be welcome. But first and forever there was just a little family, without toys or trees or tinsel. With a baby--that's how Christmas began.
"It is for this baby that we shout in chorus: 'Hark! the herald angels sing Glory to the newborn King! . . . Mild he lays his glory by, Born that man no more may die; Born to raise the sons of earth, Born to give them second birth' "

goodbye...

"sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to."
"true goodbyes are the ones never said or explained."
i said goodbye when i didn't want to. i had hope, but it failed me. i said goodbye because there was nothing left to hold on to; no hope to hold on to. it wasn't worth it. i almost wish as if nothing had ever happened. i am done holding on to something that was never there. this something turned into nothing.
at one point i thought it was worth holding on to. i said goodbye and found out it wasn't worth it. was any of it worth anything? i don't know. a question i don't think will ever get answered. did i get anything out of it? a friendship that wasn't worth the effort of developing. it began as something small waiting to grow into something...i gave it all i had. i put forth the effort that was needed. my efforts went unnoticed and unwanted. i am done wondering if any of these somethings will turn into anythings.
i guess what i'm trying to say is goodbye. goodbye to something that won't turn into anything. goodbye...

europe 2007

i had my first meeting today for the humanities european tour 2007. i can't even begin to explain how excited i am. i was given a calendar of what we are doing each day that i am there for almost a month! knowing that i will be seeing the louvre, notre dame, paintings like the last supper, etc. just gives me the chills! i am going to london, paris, munich, vienna, florence, and madrid. ahh!! i just want to scream. i feel so fortunate to see paintings by famous artists like da vinci, michelangelo, van eyck, picasso among many others. i just want to jump up and down...
i just wanted to share with you my excitement and this does not give it justice of everything i will be doing from april 26-may 22 2007.

ponderings...

*why is it when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume of the radio?
*why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?
*why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
*why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
*isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

great faith

faith is having confidence in someone or something. faith must be cultured and sought after until it grows into a great tree. a lack of faith leads one to despair. "great faith i would have to say is to have that conviction, without doubt that something is true (evan woody)." the Lord knows the plans for each of us. he has plans to prosper us; to give us hope and a future. have that conviction that god has a plan for you. "great faith is doing small things and trusting in god (sam stewart)."
"faith is literally the power by which God himself operates in earthly and heavenly affairs. miracles are the fruits of faith; faith precedes the miracle. behind each miracle is divine power, and that power is faith (ardeth greene kapp)."
i am not going to lie when i say that i struggle having faith and hope in myself and in the Lord. such a simple and profound principle, but so hard to do when faced with different situations. it's faith that moves mountains; it's faith that moves the barriers in our lives that's holding us back. it's faith in the Lord that gives us peace and comfort.