Wednesday, January 31, 2007


sometimes i feel that good just isn't good enough. what i do in my life just isn't good enough. so if what i'm doing isn't good enough for family or friends, will my actions ever be good enough for my future spouse? that opens up a whole other can of worms, so i won't even get into that...will i ever be good enough for someone to marry me? if i am trying to do what i know is best, wouldn't that be compensated for in other areas of my life? if what i'm doing now isn't pleasing anyone, how will i ever know what to do next? i don't know if there's any specific answer to any of these questions, but i just want to throw out that idea: maybe good just is not good enough for anyone. is it possible to please anyone? is it ever possible to be good enough for yourself?...

Monday, January 15, 2007

best friend

i am finally going to update my blog space. i am back at school and of course am loving it. i really do love byu-idaho although some people (ahem cough cough) want me to transfer to byu provo. i will think about it, but for now i am going to class and loving it.

school isn't what i want to focus on though....when you have a best friend, you want what's best for them. you grow up doing everything with this person. you two are conjoined at the hip and some people even think you're twins. you share what's going on in your life and who you like with this person. you would do anything for your best friend to be happy.

the minute my best friends left on his mission, i couldn't wait for him to come home again. i couldn't wait for him to come home so everything would go back to being normal. it was hard because i wasn't able to share certain things with him. he wasn't able to watch me go off to my senior prom or go to my high school graduation or even see me off to my first year of college. he was there in spirit but not there to talk with face to face. i know this sounds selfish but there is a point to be made, i promise.

when he came home, i knew things were never going to be the same. he and i are still best friends and are just as close as ever. when i found out that he was going to get married, mixed emotions came over me. i was so excited for him to finally reach what he had been preparing for his whole life; on the other hand i felt distraught (for lack of a better word). i have to share my best friends with another girl.

my mom put it best: out of everyone in the family, you are the one that will have the hardest time "giving him up." best friend, you know who you is right. i will be the one that has the hardest time giving you up, because we are the closest. things won't be the same. i can't express how excited i am for you. it's what you've always wanted and i can't wait to be a part of it. although i can't be in the temple to watch you be sealed to your eternal companion, but know that i will be there in spirit. i love you and i could not be happier for you.