Sunday, November 9, 2008

Confession

I have a confession to make...Don't worry, I didn't do anything wrong.....For some reason, I have been down in the dumps all this past week...I haven't even been able to label my own emotions or what was causing this emotional downfall. I have been going over and over about what I have been up to this past week to try and figure out what the heck was wrong with me - the only conclusion I came to was that it all had to do with school, stressing over the wedding, and Nic's knee surgery. I guess you could say that I tagged myself as overly stressed and I was running on low. Why? I don't know...

Today I went to Nic's sister, Michelle's sacrament meeting - it was the primary program and we wanted to support our nieces and nephews (my future ones). I was reading an article in the General Conference edition of the Ensign. (I decided a couple of days ago to just read it from beginning to end.) I came across a talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf from the Saturday morning session. His talk was titled "The Infinite Power of Hope." I began reading and knew right from the beginning that this talk was meant for me to read. Have you ever experienced that? You read something and thought this was written for you to read right at that very moment - that's what happened with this talk.

As I read, President Uchtdorf pin pointed every emotion I was feeling and exactly what I was lacking in my life: hope. I just want to share some things that really helped me - so everything I say will be his direct words...Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness. Its absence - when this desire of our heart is delayed - can make "the heart sick."...The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be...Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us..."Fear not, little flock." God will wait with "open arms to receive" those who give away their sins and continue in faith, hope, and charity. And to all who suffer - to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely - I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in. Never surrender. Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.

Amazing words from an apostle of the Lord. There were so many wonderful things in this talk that I could share with you, but instead I suggest you to read the talk for yourself (www.lds.org). I know what he is talking about - feeling despair and letting it overcome your spirit, feeling lonely, discouraged, worried - I have felt it all this past week. Apparently I have a lack of hope - hope in knowing that I haven't wasted time on my knees and pouring my heart and soul to God - hope in knowing that the Lord is mindful of my needs - hope in knowing that there is a better tomorrow - hope in knowing that I can be upheld and know His goodness.

I bet you are all wondering at this time what I have done to start to regenerate this hope in my spirit...it was a simple thing that began this "regeneration" of hope...before I left Nic today, we were sitting on his bed (immobile because of his knee surgery) and all he did was hold me - his tender voice and his gentle touch were healing to my soul and let me know that the Lord is mindful of me - He has blessed me with hope from Nic's simple act of love towards me. That's what hope is to me: simple acts of love around us that restore our hope. Hope is all around us.

PS I am sorry this is so long, but I felt impressed to share this experience with you all...Thank you President Uchtdorf for your inspiring words that have blessed my life with hope.

2 comments:

Kellie said...

thanks for sharing that alli!
I need to read that talk.
miss you and can't wait to get an invite in the mail!! :) loves.

Summer said...

I love it when you are inspired to read or do something that will help you feel better. I'm glad you had such a great experience, and I hope that you are feeling better! It is just the adversary trying to get you down because he knows you are about to take part in some sacred ordinances in the temple really soon.

Let me know if I can do anything!

Love you!